Are you living your life, or surviving your life?
Life is too short. You need to feel alive, rather than just survive.
Living or surviving? What is the difference, exactly?
Those of us who have truly been to Hell and back likely already understand this concept, but what about the others? What about the general population who live in the gray area?
Ask yourself.
Are you really LIVING. Do you feel ALIVE. Do you feel a buzz in your every day life? Is there a daily stretch of time, and by daily I do mean EVERY DAY, in which you actually get a tingly feeling dancing across your skin when you are embarking upon a passion, closing a deal, or even just going on your evening walk?
Feeling alive and living a vibrant existence is not the same as merely surviving your life.
That tingle, that prickle on your skin, that rush of blood through your veins, that uptick in your heart rate from exuberance…..THAT is LIVING.
It is the feeling of a run while listening to your favorite, energizing playlist with your adrenaline creating sound effects in your head.
It is the velvety slide of rich, fatty luxury on your tongue with your first bite of your favorite ice cream you haven’t had in a year.
It is the rush you feel when you bite into a great fajita after years of your joyless SouthBeach/Keto/Paleo/Vegan/
It is the overwhelming crest you tumble over during the best orgasm of your life, after 20 years of dead bedroom.
It’s holding a precious newborn, YOUR newborn, with that heady-addictive-new-baby-head-
It’s hurrying home for a lazy afternoon of reading yourself into oblivion after purchasing the latest release from your favorite bookstore, from your favorite author. And you splurged on a hardcover.
Its the hike on the Pacific Crest Trail no one thought you Could do. OR, the leisurely stroll through an adorable neighborhood you love.
It’s the slick spread of paint across the canvas for a new piece that might be a disaster. But the journey of creating the art is bigger than the results.
It’s binge watching a great show. Hugging the people you love. Its the novel you wrote, even if it didn’t sell. Eating the food that feels good. Doing the exercise you enjoy. Engaging in the hobbies and activities that make you excited not only to do them, but to also tell someone about it. It’s surrounding yourself with people and things you enjoy.
But are you only surviving life?
People living life already have the secret. They are already doing it. They probably have a lot of haters! That’s what happens sometimes when you have it figured out.
Sometimes, we can’t help but to be in survival mode. There are certain short-term phases in life where job-loss, newborns, moving, surgery, depression, etc., take over. That’s OK too. Survival mode has a place and time.
But, you can’t LIVE in survival mode. You just can’t.
You absolutely can’t thrive if you can only survive.
Some people have no idea……….. they are only surviving.
I was one of those people for a long time. I tried for SEVEN years to have my first living child. I tried for 20 years to make my marriage work.
I put off my career.
I put off my passions.
I stayed in a lousy marriage.
I did have children. However, with 6 back to back pregnancies resulting in 5 living children, in a bad marriage for 20 years, I was in ultimate survival mode.
That survival continued to include working several low-wage jobs simultaneously, while raising those kids, homesteading, chicken-raising, tree-farming, homemaking, and trying to find a way to live. To thrive.
Sometimes we think we are thriving, and merely surviving. It happens to the best of us.
I can’t speak for others, but I can speak for myself. At least about turning SURVIVING into LIVING.
In order to thrive, it included:
Putting my foot down on Societal expectations and finding my voice.
Picking up a paint brush and finding joy.
Acknowledging the truth about my former marriage and filing for divorce.
Addressing my fear of failure, and going to grad school.
Throwing away my kitchen scale and just eating normal, delicious food, calorie-counting and starving be damned.
Hugging my children, giving them independence and freedom, and mothering them as I see fit.
Accepting the financial struggle I would always have, working and living the life as an artist, educator, and librarian.
Applying and getting the job someone like me had no chance in Hell of getting.
Cultivating a co-parenting relationship with the father of my children that is not only respectful, but turning into a beautiful friendship.
Finding someone who loves me for who and what I am, deep flaws and all.
Embracing painting and writing as the quiet, introverted ways I manage to stay sane, in an extroverted world.
And making a point, to do one thing each day, that will bring me one step further in LIVING.
Which brings us back to the beginning. For you see, we can be surviving and living at the same time. While living your life is the preference, it doesn’t mean the two are mutually exclusive. You can always be a work in progress. You SHOULD be a work in progress. None of us are finished growing, learning, and blooming.
Progress IS living. Survival is stagnant. Progress, no matter how small, is thriving.
It is living.
So, no matter how deeply entrenched in survival you feel right now, it is time to take one small step toward living.
Just one step.
Eat the damned taco. We don’t all need to be a size zero at 5’8″.
Buy a coloring book and make everyone’s faces purple.
Dump that controlling spouse.
Let your 12 year old go to the park alone.
Eat the ice cream.
Rent the apartment in your favorite neighborhood.
Paint that wall bright blue.
Have the amazing sex.
Change your gender to your true self.
Get high on your God/Art/MotherNature/Pancakes.
Fill your house with cacti and cats.
Refurbish that muscle car.
Replace your gross towels with nicer ones from Target.
Apply for that job you have no chance in Hell of getting. (You never know!!)
Talk to that cute dad at carpool.
Write that book.
Paint that scene.
Bake that cake.
Adopt that Pitbull.
Start that IRA.
NO ONE IS GOING TO LIVE FOR YOU.
You need to live for yourself. The transition from surviving to living is all on you. It really is.
Do the things. Drop the fear. Live the life. A grand life doesn’t need a high salary, a huge budget, great talent, exquisite skills, or fabulous looks.
It only needs you.
It only needs you to do what you want and live how you want with what you can.
Are you living your life, or surviving your life?
